So, your last kid has turned 18, graduated high school, and is about to move into their dorm room. Congratulations! This is as much your achievement as it is theirs. You helped get them to this point. You should be proud! You have officially graduated from “Stay At Home Mom” to…well…something else. What exactly that is, remains to be seen. Once you drop your teen off with your favorite water bottle and your snacks (because you know they’re going to steal them), a peculiar thing happens…silence. Not the peaceful, spa like silence you once begged for. No. This is the kind of silence that makes you question everything. Rediscovering yourself during this time is both scary and exciting.
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The Identity Crisis is Real
For the last 18+ years, your life has been a mosaic of packed lunches, school drop offs and pickups, sports, awkward parent teacher conferences (especially that one where the teacher told me that my son let him know that he was dyslexic and the teacher was going to help him through it. Spoiler alert…he’s not dyslexic), and teenage mood swings that would humble a seasoned therapist. During these 18+ years, you have worn many hats like chauffeur, chef, nurse, therapist, and human Google… it’s no wonder that you are now facing the “who am I now?” question.
The Weird but Wonderful Perks
Let’s start with the good stuff. You can now:
- Go to the bathroom without someone yelling your name (or needing a fruit snacks opened. Remember those days when the kids sought you out to do it…despite dad sitting on the couch?)
- Watch whatever you want on television (although, I did enjoy watching Tom and Jerry or Spongebob with the kids)
- Reclaim your car from the land of wrappers and questionable smells (I will NOT miss the goalie glove smell in my car…ever)
You’re basically the CEO of your own life again. You can make appointments and only check your schedule to make sure it works. But here’s the twist. Rediscovering yourself now doesn’t mean you have to burn the minivan or get bangs (well…unless you want to…but really think twice about the bangs).
Finding Yourself (Again)
First and foremost, you will always be mom. That is a title that you have earned and should wear proudly. However, in finding yourself, start small. Check out a few low pressure ways to reconnect with the person underneath that mom title.
Try new hobbies
Don’t just go for the trendy new hobbies. Pick something you are genuinely interested in or have always wanted to do. Things like knitting, kickboxing, dancing lessons, or bird watching. Do things that makes you feel alive. Or mildly amused. That’s always a good start too.
Revisit old passions
Remember that pipe dream of writing a novel? Do it. Think of all the things you pushed to the side while you were raising children that you said you would come back to someday. Guess what? Someday just called and she’s free at 3pm.
Redecorate
Do you have a room that was the kids “play room”? Redecorate it. Have you always dreamed of having a home gym, an office, or a craft room? Well…guess what? Now you can have it. Redecorate that room to your liking and own it. It’s yours now.
Say no
It’s OK to say no and not join every committee that pops up. You don’t have to host every gathering (unless you want to. I like hosting so I won’t be saying no to this). It’s OK to say no and put your needs and wants first. When the time is right, you can say yes to a few of the things again.
Embrace the weirdness
Talk to your plants or in my case, your dog (I’m a plant murderer). Take solo coffee dates. Sing in your car without judgement. This is your time to be a little weird, a little wild, and a whole lot wonderful. If you are like me, you will be blasting your 90s playlist again!
Still a Mom, Just a Rebranded One
Let’s be completely honest. You’ll always be “Mom”. You’ll still worry when they don’t text back; still cry during graduation slideshows; still randomly walk into their room and just sit on the bed; and you will still feel all the things. But now you are “Mom” with extra space in your home, your schedule, and your head. And in that extra space, something wonderful happens. You find her again. You find the women who existed before diaper bags, sports tournaments, and driver’s ed. She’s still there, she’s still hilarious, still capable, and still full of dreams that are not expired just because someone now has the audacity to call you “ma’am”.
So, go ahead…send the memes to your kids (or TikTok videos). But also, send yourself a reminder. You’re not lost. You’re just under construction. And the final version? She’s going to be freaking fabulous. Rediscovering yourself will be fun and exciting!
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