I don’t think I’ve really ever written much about my bout with Postpartum Depression. Shortly after having my daughter, I started to see signs in myself that were not “normal”. I cried all the time and I always felt like I was on edge. Here I had this beautiful new baby and I could do nothing but cry all day long and feel like I wanted to hide in a dark closet. It wasn’t good. Thank goodness I didn’t have awful thoughts about my children. I would never have been able to live with myself if I did.
Before having kids I dealt with anxiety and panic attacks and let me tell you, it was the worst. I couldn’t go to sporting events or places where there were crowds of people because it would set me in a tailspin. I saw my doctor at that point and he showed me a depression medication list and went over the different types of medications that he felt could help me cope better with my “issues”. And it did help. Tremendously. A few years later, I got pregnant with my son. I immediately stopped taking that medication because it was not approved to be on while pregnant and I was doing great. After having him, I had no problems whatsoever…until after I had my daughter.
Like I mentioned in the beginning, after having my daughter, I felt like I was going to cry at any given moment and my anxiety was out of control. It wasn’t so much that I was anxious about my kids…I was just anxious. It was my way of life at that point. As soon as I started seeing the signs again, I called my doctor and requested medication. I was on that medication for about 4 years before I finally felt fine enough to wean off of it. Thankfully I had no issues weaning off. I’ve heard horror stories about people who have tried to wean off the same medication.
My daughter is now 5 and I am off all medication and doing fine. I have an anxious moment here and there and still don’t really care for large crowds of people, but all in all, I’ve never been happier and having more fun with my family and friends.
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