Are you the one that everyone calls when their life hits a snag or they need help with something? Is it because you are calm in the midst of all the chaos? Or maybe you are the advice giver (and it’s actually good advice). Most likely, you are the one that appears to have it all together…all the time. But let’s have a little real talk about what no one tells you about being that person. You know who I’m talking about. The strong one.
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You’re Strong…Until You’re Not
The world seems to think you don’t break.
Spoiler alert…you do.
You just do it in private. Maybe it’s on the bathroom floor at 1 a.m. Or It could be in the car when no one can hear you scream sing to Meredith Brooks (I bet you know what song). The truth? Being strong doesn’t mean you’re invincible. It just means that you’re skilled at hiding the mess when you feel like you’re unraveling.
People Forget You Have Needs Too
Being “the strong one” often means you’re checking on everyone else. All. The. Time. And over time, people stop checking in on you. You’re the rock. But sometimes rocks want hugs, too. You even want those hugs when you think you don’t or you act like you don’t like to be hugged. You do. That’s usually when you need the hug the most.
You Say “I’m Fine” Way Too Often
Ever get that feeling like you have to say you are fine? Well, you’re not always fine. There are times that you feel burnt out, overwhelmed, under-caffeinated, and questioning every life decision since that pixie cut you did your senior year of high school. But instead of saying, “I’m struggling,” you say, “I’m good!” with a smile that could win an Oscar. Why? Because vulnerability feels like a luxury you can’t afford.
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Your Strength Becomes Expected, Not Celebrated
The worst feeling is when you do something amazing or handle something hard, and people don’t cheer anymore. They just slowly nod their head as they look at you and say, “Yeah, that tracks. You always handle it”. It can feel a little like you are invisible. Or like you are a robot. Like your resilience is just part of the furniture now. Helpful, but unacknowledged. You don’t expect a standing ovation when you enter a room (although once or twice may be nice), but a mention here or there would be nice.
You’re Afraid to Let Go…Because Then Who Holds It All Together?
You’ve become the glue. The spreadsheet. The schedule. The knower of all things happening. The emergency contact. And even when you’re running on fumes, the thought of letting go terrifies you. Let’s face it, if you don’t hold the pieces together, who will? But here’s the truth…and you may need to read this a few times for it to stick (pun intended). You can put the glue stick down sometimes. Things may wobble. Shoot, they may completely fall apart. That’s OK. Let them. It will be OK. You will be able to help pick the pieces back up and continue on.
My Final Thoughts
Being the strong one isn’t the problem. Feeling like you’re not allowed to be anything else? That’s the trap. So to all the strong ones out there reading this:
- You’re allowed to not have the answers
- You’re allowed to say no
- You’re allowed to fall apart a little (or a lot, if you need to)
- You’re allowed to ask for help
Your strength is amazing. But your softness, your humanity, your needs? They matter too. So go ahead…exhale. You don’t have to carry it all today.
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