Somewhere between the ages of 25 and 45, something shifts. Not all at once. It’s subtle. I noticed it more when I hit 40, buy looking back, it was ever so slightly evolving way before then. This shift isn’t big and dramatic. The shift happens slowly…quietly…and during this shift, life has a way of teaching you what actually matters. Best of all, it shows you what never really did matter. You see, at 25, I thought I had it all figured out. I had a small two year old and one on the way. Every ounce of my energy was spent chasing, stressing over, and trying to control these things that I felt were super important. But in reality, they weren’t. And, at 45, I see everything differently. Here are the things that don’t matter anymore, and best of all…the freedom that comes with letting them go.
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Things That Don’t Matter Anymore
Below are a list of things that, at 45 years of age, I have decided don’t matter any longer. How many can you relate to?
Other People’s Opinions
At 25, I cared deeply about what people thought of me. I cared about how I looked, what I said, the choices I made. Let’s face it, I was a relatively new mom and I was unsure of myself in that space, which made me unsure of myself in basically every space. But now, at 45, I’ve realized something pretty darn freeing…most people aren’t thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are. And the people that truly matter…they’re not judging you, they are rooting for you.
At 45, I choose authenticity over approval.
Trying to Please Everyone
There was a time I said yes when I really wanted to say no. I stretched myself thing trying to be everything for everyone. Some of that came with the role I chose for myself in life and within my family. As a stay at home mom, my job was to take care of everyone, even if it was at the expense of me. Trust me when I say, it is exhausting living that way. Now I understand that every “yes” to something that drains me is a “no” to something that actually matters.
At 45, I choose peace over people pleasing.
Having the “Perfect” Body
I used to think that confidence lived in a certain size on a tag, a certain number on the scale, or how I looked in a mirror. But the truth is, confidence comes from how you feel. If you are feeling strong, energized, and capable, that matters more than perfection ever could. Do I still want to look good? Sure, but not more than I want to feel good. That’s why I am so focused on health and wellness. I’m 45 years old. I want the next 45 years of my life to be spent with intention and feeling good…not just good about myself, but feeling good at my core.
At 45, I choose strength over unrealistic standards.
Keeping Up with Everyone Else
You’ve probably heard this saying before, but it’s true. Comparison is a thief. It steals joy, contentment, and perspective. At 25 years old, it felt like everyone else was ahead. It felt like they were doing more, having more, and being more. Part of that was because I was in a different place than everyone else my age, being married and having kids. However, the larger part was because I was constantly comparing my life to others. At 45 years old, I see that everyone is on their own timeline. Some of the kids my daughter graduated with still have siblings in elementary school! My husband and I are long gone from that stage. But, as I said, everyone is on their own timeline and there is no prize for rushing through life. Everyone just needs to do what is best for them on their own time.
At 45, I choose contentment over comparison.
Can You Relate?
I’ve talked about some of the biggest ideas when I think about the things that don’t matter. Here are a few more things that don’t matter:
- Being busy just to feel productive
- Toxic or once sided relationships
- Impressing people
- Perfection
- Trends
- Having it all figured out
Each and every single one of these things are things that, at one time, mattered big time to me. But not anymore. What about you? Can you relate to any of these?
Final Thoughts
Believe me, letting go of these things doesn’t happen over night. Do I sometimes falter and fall into an old habit? Of course! This is a process. It’s a series of lessons learned, sometimes the hard way, and sometimes you need to relearn a couple things for it to stick. But with each thing you release, you make room for something better. You make room for things like peace, clarity, and best of all, you make time for YOU.
Maybe this is the real gift of getting older. Not that you have it all figured out. No. It’s that you finally know what’s worth holding onto, and what was never meant to matter in the first place.
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